I Lie
by Mage Skywalker
Summary: Yugi appears to have gotten over the loss of his other half, but things aren’t always what they seem.


Disclaimer: I don't own Yu gi oh it is the property of Kazuki Takahashi. The lyrics belong to Jason McCoy, recording, and producing associates.

**Warning: one-sided slash pairing.**

I Lie

"Yugi, phone for you!"

"Okay, Grandpa," I answer moving out of my closet that I was cleaning and grab the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Yugi, it's Tristan."

"Hey, Tristan, what's up?"

"Nothing much, listen me and the gang were wondering if you wanted to come to the arcade with us? You know if you feel like it."

"Of course, that sounds great, why did you think I wouldn't?"

"Well we didn't want to pressure you after, you know."

"It's okay don't worry about it," I say. Gently pull at my pyjama top not anymore comfortable with this topic than he was.

"So will meet at the park in say what half an hour?"

"Sounds good, goodbye, Tristan."

I sigh and put the phone back in its cradle. They always ask that.

_My friends all ask how I'm doing _

_Since you took your sweet love away_

_And I know they're just showing they care _

_But what do they expect me to say_

I sign again and grab a set of clothes from my closet. I pull on my black t-shirt and then reach across my desk for an object that is no longer there. My fingers brush against wood, I deny for the moment, and keep reaching. Eventually I look over to see nothing except the chain that once held it. Reality comes rushing back to me and I start to grieve all over again. My knees hit the floor and my hands start gripping my hair. My breathing becomes heavy. _Stop it_ I tell myself _he is gone and no amount of moaning and groaning is going to bring him back. This is not the time to be acting like a baby._ After several minutes more of berating myself I go into the bathroom and wash my face. Then I look at it carefully in the mirror to make sure my mask is in place. I nod in satisfaction sure no one would see anything past my wide eyes and gentle smile.

"Grandpa, I'm going out with my friends."

"All right, Yugi, have fun."

Yes it's perfect not even Grandpa questions me.

XXX

I arrive at the park just in time. I see my friends coming up the path, waving at me.

"Hey, Yugi how are you doing?" Joey asks me. His long blond bangs blowing into his eyes.

They stand there and I can see it in their faces I know what they want to hear.

_So I lie I tell them I'm all right_

_I lie I tell them I'm fine _

_I don't think they really want to know the truth _

_What's the use what can they do_

_So I look them straight in the eye_

I lock eyes with them, comforting brown and forget me not blue.

"I'm all right let's go to the arcade."

_And I lie _

We become just another regular group of teenagers playing video games, eating pizza, and drinking soda. I must it admit I even caught myself having fun once or twice. Still it isn't the same I've accepted the fact that it will never be the same. I sit down in the booth and continue to watch Tristan and Joey fight over who was the best racer in Dungeon Alley.

"Some people just never grow up right, Yugi?" Téa asks.

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

"Sure why wouldn't I be?"

She looks at me her eyes soft. I can see the concern etched in her forehead.

"You can always come to me, Yugi, if you ever need someone to talk to."

It was kind of her to offer, but I knew it would do no good. Although she too was hit hard by his leaving, it was no secret, at least to me, that she had had a major crush on him since the first time she laid eyes on him or ears I should say. It had gone unrequited of course he had more pressing matters to deal with and romance never factored into the equation. Still she cared about him. She even told me once about how she had this crazy idea to run in after him. Foolish idea.

I wish I'd thought of it.

She had been trying to get me alone lately to see if I could replace him. I never took the bait though I knew I wasn't the dark, confident man he was and I didn't want to see her face when she realized it too. She is my best friend I could never hurt her like that. She could never see me as anything more than a friend and I didn't want to be anything more than a friend to her, not anymore.

_They offer a shoulder to cry on _

_Anytime I just have to call_

_But little do they know _

_The river that would flow_

_If I let the first teardrops fall_

They had all said things similar to her that if I ever needed anything to just pick up the phone and call. I had taken them up on the offer earlier on. Once I'd phoned Joey up at three in the morning because I could not stand the silence. Only once though it took just that one time for me to realize they couldn't help me. No matter how much they may want to.

They say they understand how hard it is, but they don't. They have lost a friend and a crush. I have lost myself. They can never truly understand what I am going through not even Bakura. His darker half had been someone to fear, a parasite to be gotten rid of at all costs. Mine had been a true friend, someone who stood up for me, helped me gain the confidence I was so desperately lacking. I had helped him too. To fight for his memories and discover his real name and through it all we'd grown close. Too close I guess.

He told me that we would never really be apart, but he had been wrong. All those feelings and all the lessons learned could not replace his presence in my life. It feels hollow now, like a part of me has just up and walked away, and he had.

XXX

I came home to find Grandpa minding the shop. He looks at me and smiles. He'd give what he called elderly advice every now and again. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, that he was always watching over me, and time heals all wounds. Time can not heal this though, nothing can. I put my hand in front of my eyes.

"Are you okay, Yugi?"

The tears only fell when I was alone no one else was having this problem and I didn't want to burden them all with mine.

_So I lie I tell them I'm all right _

_I lie I tell them I'm fine_

_I don't think they really want to know the truth _

_What's the use what can they do_

_So I look them straight in the eye _

I made myself look at those kindly eyes surrounded by soft wrinkles.

"I'm okay, Grandpa, just tired."

_And I lie_

I know I should move on, but I love him and no amount of time would change that. I knew it was far more than that puppy crush I'd had on Téa when I was young. This was a bond between a man I knew inside and out and me whom he had known inside and out. Together we had created the kind of connection that most couples spend their whole lives looking for, the perfect merger of body, mind…and soul.

I collapse eagle sprawled on my bed. I could have made him stay I know that. I could have followed my heart's desire and thrown myself at his feet begged him not to go and he wouldn't for he would never do anything against my wishes, but I had stayed silent. It would have been a selfish action to keep him here. He didn't feel the same way about me and his feelings for his family, friends, and ancient kingdom would always mean more to him than any bond we had shared as light and dark. I know nothing and no one can live forever not even five thousand year old pharaohs, but that didn't stop it from hurting. And oh how it hurts, _did it all mean nothing to him!? Was it all just a bunch of lies?!_

I grab my pillow and scream into it. _Did I mean nothing to him?_ No, no of course I didn't I had meant the world to him, but his past meant the moon and the stars. I had to let him go. If only he could see me now though I wonder what he'd say, what would I say?

_I've often wondered what I'd do _

_If I were to run into to you_

_Would my heart fall at your feet _

_Would my foolish pride get the best me?_

_Honestly I believe_

Sometimes I dream of him. That he comes back to see me and asks me how I'm doing. He stands there in his royal outfit, dripping in gold. I look at him and I wish it isn't just a dream, but I know that is all it is. An illusion created by my mind in its longing for him. It can't be anything else, I don't believe in magic anymore. Every night I think about that dream I think about what I will say to him and every time I know the answer.

_I'd lie and tell you I'm all right _

_I'd lie I'd tell you I'm fine _

_I could never ever let you know the truth _

_That I'm still in love and so confused_

_So I'd hide my pain deep inside _

_Then I'd look you straight in the eye _

I found myself there again. Him in full regalia the hallway between our soul rooms behind him. His back was to me showing off his purple cape that I knew covered the dark muscles of his back. I approach him cautiously, he turns and looks at me.

"Hello, Yugi, how are you?"

I bring my eyes to look into his. Those red pools, deep and strong, his mouth turned up in a small smile only I ever really got to see. I fall in love all over again. Then I slam those feelings into a box deep within myself and bury them among stone walls never to be released. Still my gaze remains steady and I feel my mouth move to tell him those immortal words.

"I'm fine."

_And I'd lie _

The End


End file.
